Day 2

Day 2

 

It was another amazing day in the journey.  Last night Madam Apollonia(the name she selected) not only selected our names, but also set up a blog for me to chronicle our journey.  I'm now Madam Apollonia's boy. 

 

We had lots of good conversations yesterday.  I'm working hard to understand what being truly submissive means.  In the past we had nights of submission and even once had a month where any sexual fantasy play was with Madam Apollonia being dominant.  While I absolutely enjoyed these activities, Madam Apollonia would be the first to say that I frequently would be only partially committed.  It was not uncommon in the middle of sub play for me to flip from sub to Dom as my testosterone built.  At times a literally could not control myself.  My wife was understanding, but at times this sort of flip flop was at the very least annoying and sometimes aggravating.  In response I have tried to go longer periods with consistent sub/Dom roles.

 

Key direction from Madam Apollonia yesterday

 

• She is not going to over feminize me.  When she has turned me into a pile of mush she sometime calls me her little girl.  Or she'll tell me that I've been a good girl.  Every day this week she has given me a pair of panties to wear.  I think we will continue to dabble and I look forward to seeing where she wants me to go.
• She may ask me to flip to provide some fantasy relief for her.  She told me that she may want to spend some time as a sub.  She derives glorious relief at times when she is in "sub space".  I will gladly take on that mantle and I look forward to seeing how that affects me on this journey.
• Told me that we were going to do this till the end of the year.  We had discussed trying this out in the month of November.  Yesterday while reviewing the post that I wrote she texted me to inform me that we were going to do this until 12/31.  To say that I had butterflies is a gross understatement.  I'm currently cherishing her taking more and more control.  I'm sure there will be a wall and I'm nervous / excited about finding a new boundary.
• Asked me to do the laundry.  Last night she asked me to do laundry today.  I'm quick to admit that it was exciting, but I was hoping she would tell me to do it.  We are both good communicators (ok… I'm a guy I'm ok she is really good).  I candidly told her that I wish she had told me to do it.  As she held me she told me that she was going to be a "bitch".  And then she said to me -  have I ever asked you to do the laundry.  Basically no.  She was asserting herself and her desires but doing with affection.  For people who are looking for a level 3 or level 4 FLR this probably sounds underwhelming.  For me it just created a safe space to know she wants to be dominant but not bitchy. 
• Wash me.  When we were getting ready for bed Madam Apollonia told me that she was going to take a shower as well.  When we got in the shower together she just held me and kissed me.  After several minutes she asked me to wash her body.  She had already put conditioner in her hair.  I proceeded to wash her body head to toe and then brought her to orgasm.  At the end she bent over and asked me to penetrate her.  It was an amazing cap to an intense emotional day.

 

My first obvious blunder.

I really plan on writing each day about the prior day, but I made one mistake this morning.  After I got up to make Madam Apollonia's coffee I quickly returned while it was steaming.  She asked me to hop back in bed for a minute.  I gladly did and took some initiative and performed oral sex on Madam.  At the end she asked me to rub my face all over her juices.  She wanted me to smell her throughout the day.  I gladly did exactly what she asked.  That's when my perpetual need to validation arose.  I asked if I could ask something.  She at first said no, but then came back and said go ahead and ask.  I said "can you tell me we are in a female led relationship".  For me this is psychological issue I have with needing validation.  "Do you like me do you really like me?"  As is well documented above she has done NOTHING but show me her commitment to this.  She asked me "Did I not spend last night setting up the blog…."  I felt bad.  Not only had I let my insecurity get the best of me, not only had I tried to make part of that moment about me, but I had ruined a great moment.